Hello Beautiful Soul! 💕
May this newsletter find you in good health and joy!
You know the saying "There's a method to my madness?" I've adjusted it to there's "higher purpose" to mine. That's how I'm going to start responding to those who express confusion about what I'm doing or no longer going to do. 😁
I'm not particularly attached to methods, systems, rules, or structures. This tends to drive some people crazy. Yes, they have their place and have supported my growth and life accomplishments at times but I realized that if I'm not self-aware they can become distractions that keep me off my path. I'm beyond grateful for some of those systems that support me and I'm going to share about my experience in this newsletter. But I also have no qualms about letting go of those that aren't aligned, and these days that's happening quicker and more often.
Human Design (HD) is a synthesis of ancient wisdom and modern science that has helped me to heal and recognize a lot of the conditioning that wasn't serving me. Gene Keys (GK) is another, that was brought forth later by a devoted student of HD but not as mainstream. Both seemed complex at first but with time and my inclination to experiment they became easier to understand. They require time to learn as well as a deep commitment to stay the course, be gentle with yourself, and most importantly let go of what you think you know. I'm sharing them because they've served me tremendously and I love providing self-discovery resources. I've been studying them off and on since 2019. If you feel called to explore, check out the free resources at the links I've provided or find some that resonate with you.
Systems and structures can aid us in learning new concepts, practicing skills, enhancing talents, expanding consciousness, and gaining mastery in life. However, what I've learned from my personal experience and been observing from others is that sometimes we lose sight of the bigger vision or higher purpose of the teaching, our doing or life by getting attached to said "method, system, teaching, belief, technique, etc." or its teachers/gurus/leaders. Both authors of these teachings caution about this which is why I truly appreciate their message. Their commitment is to true personal power, self-responsibility, and sovereignty.
I've overcome so many experiences of disempowerment that I've become super discerning about allowing anyone or anything that kind of authority over me and my life. I believe that stepping into my POWER has been my highest purpose in life and at the same time the greatest of my fears. I've had an excerpt from Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love book that speaks to our power and fears around it, that I've carried with me for decades. 💖 I refer to it often and every time I read it, I imbibe it further into my being. It now has taken a new level of meaning for me. Perhaps I'll share a muse related to that in the future.
I've realized that we are often conditioned through systems and structures. There are times when some of these fulfill their purpose and we grow beyond it. When this happens, they can lose effectiveness. Recently, I noticed that many that I took in have developed into habits, comforts, or attachments that I insisted on continuing even though they've led to hitting brick walls, burnout, or all of a sudden feeling lost, and like I have no idea what I'm doing. Or worse the WHY. It dawned on me that this is a pattern I've experienced at different times in my life. Sometimes the cloud of confusion this state created within me had predictive power over my life and choices. Although I could eventually figure out I needed to change, I lacked the self-awareness or tools to figure out how I kept getting into the pattern to begin with, until recently.
I've been participating in a group focused on self-care and energy I found through networking. I was intrigued by a focus of doing business according to HD. Kristi Sullivan, one of the facilitators, has been instrumental in helping me to integrate these teachings at a deeper level. I realized that while I understood a lot of it at the level of the mind, I wasn't yet embodying it consistently. Participating in this group has served me in gaining greater clarity about my energy and how I have ended up in these situations where I suddenly felt I was on a path to nowhere.
A big part of the pattern I was experiencing was due to self-doubt, wanting to be certain before taking action, feeling alone in my unconventional ways, and fear of rejection. In my resistance to letting go, I created situations in which life felt meaningless, and/or I was depleting my energy on things that were inessential to me because I was allowing myself to follow others' advice or expertise. I've become more cognizant of how our societal conditioning can lead me (us) to lose sight of the higher purpose of our human experience. This happens especially when we become so attached to specific beliefs and teachers or get enamored by the glitz and glamour of mainstream ideas of success.
I can see now how easy it is to become misaligned and how powerful discordant energy can be in creating a distraction. We often go into personal development because of what we perceive "outside" of us that needs changing when in actuality it's what's within that needs our attention. This is painful to acknowledge but being out of integrity is a form of self-hatred, and the truth is that no one is going to unconditionally love us until we completely and unapologetically love ourselves. Dissonance within is always going to manifest without.
One of the aspects of my HD chart that have helped me to this deeper understanding is my profile... I'm a 3/5 Martyr Heretic. I know!!! The title alone has a lot of charge to it if you don't understand what it means. I remember when I first started learning HD and exploring my chart, I was like WTH?!! I was all in my feelings about it. 😬 Yet, integrating this aspect of my energy has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life.
Once I got out of my feelings, and learned what it means, the mechanism of my aura, and how it impacts my relationships, so much started to make sense. I could see the higher perspective in all the challenges I've experienced in my life. I realized it wasn't the experiences alone that created most of my suffering because I'm meant to "bump against life" as an experiential life learner, but the meaning I was giving them because of our conditioning. According to a report I purchased from the International HD School, my profile is a "potent agent for change" when understood and expressed in its highest frequency.
The 3 refers to being a third line and it's an energy expression I'm more conscious of. This part of my profile is all about experimenting with life, trial and error, gaining wisdom through mistakes, and moving on. The essence of this energy indicates a life that most describe as ‘bad luck’ and experiences often seen as failures. As negative as this seems, it's essential to my growth and my life purpose.
The 5 refers to being a fifth line and it's an unconscious energy I express. What this means is that I'm unconscious of the energy but others seem to see it in me. This line manifests as the opposite and counters the effects of the 3rd line. Regardless of what I experience, I'm resilient, adaptable, have a naturally joyous and optimistic disposition, and a lighthearted sense of humor towards life and that helps me navigate its challenges.
Another aspect of my design is that I'm meant to do and try all the things. I'm versatile, multi-passionate, adventurous, and a lifelong learner. Learning is not something I do because it's required, it's my essence. I am inclined to experiment and accumulate experiences to evolve. I tend to test everything I learn and see if I can poke holes in it. If it doesn't make sense or click for me, I'm not buying it, no matter how elaborate and beautifully it's presented by anyone proclaiming its benefits. Not because I'm disrespectful or dismiss others but because it's how I integrate knowledge. I'm here to find and share quicker, efficient, and more joyous ways of life after I've completed my trials and experiments, and had enough time and reflection for the learning to click of course. 🤪
Do you see my dilemma in a world that doesn't value my type of energy? wants quick results? insist on forced compliance and rules? thinks there's always only one way, truth or system?
There was a great post about my profile in an HD Simplified FB group (it's private so you have to join if you want to read it.) But she made a statement along the lines that this is the profile that is perceived as being the hardest to be in harmony with. There was a time when such a statement would have pierced me deeply. 😞 But recently I've reached this place where it doesn't affect me much anymore. Or when it does, I can catch myself almost immediately, feel into, tear up if I need, have my moment, and allow it time to move through without reverting to the old pattern. 💪🏽
I feel so grounded in who I AM now. I know that my life's purpose, trajectory, and all my experiences no matter how they're judged by our society are perfect. I'm not going to shy away from anything out of fear of failure because it's part of how I'm meant to level up, gather data (trial & error), and prepare for what's next. I'm also meant to share and serve from the wisdom I've personally gained through this process. I'm not meant to regurgitate information. I need to live it and share what I've gained for the benefit of others. I've always been affirmed for my insights, practical advice, and wisdom, but I never quite realized just how powerful this aspect of my being is.
Living life detached from the expectations of our conditioning and judgment of others while remaining interdependent is a challenge but I will keep on keeping on. Many people fear that level of freedom and sovereignty for themselves and others because there's a lot of uncertainty in it. But as much as people have tried to make us believe there's certainty in life, that's a big lie. You can do everything you've been conditioned and expected to do and still not experience fulfillment. And, not only that but those who place such expectations on others never seem happy anyway. Have you noticed that?
So, there's a higher purpose to my madness, and DISCERNMENT is what will always keep me holding firmly to MY vision, purpose, and path.
To embracing our unique madness and living as only each of us can,
P.S. If you are experiencing challenge in a life situation, relationship or in resolving past wounds and you've tried conventional treatments with no or little results, I invite you to consider a soul essence session.
This offer combines intuitive guidance, energy clearing and aspects of coaching to support you in seeing yourself and the situation from a higher and energetic perspective. I love sharing my gifts of wisdom, love and unconditionality to guide you in healing.
If you're ready to do some deep work of heart, I'm here to guide you!